You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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