Plan B is the new Plan A
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
