Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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