Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm really busy with my period
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
