i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
