For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
