Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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