I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
