i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
