waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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