Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Two words: nipple clamps
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