I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
