Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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