eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
