I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
