so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
third nipple confirmed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
