I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
