He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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