So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
