is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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