would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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