He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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