but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
