no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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