So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
