he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
