hotel room ftw
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
