So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
