So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
