all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
