dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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