Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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