After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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