super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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