If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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