let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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