But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
