just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
