We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
