What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
