So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
