this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
