a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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