i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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