Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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