Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize