My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
someone owes me an orgasm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
