Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
