Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
