Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize