Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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