I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
