I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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