last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
