I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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