Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
