Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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