aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
