Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your cock deserves a montage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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