I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
50% drunk capacity currently
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
