I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
