Define "chronic" masturbator.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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