my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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