yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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