I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
