when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize