Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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