AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
