Dual....:-)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
