Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
