He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
