Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And then he peed in my hair
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