She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
