I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
