Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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