is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
