Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
