Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
