I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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