Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
