just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
