I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
