I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Congratulations! We have a period
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
