This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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