I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
