Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
