dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize