Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
