PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
