I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
