they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
