It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
