Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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