He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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