i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
