there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
