when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
