He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
