god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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