i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
