first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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