just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
