and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i believe in u and ur pee
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
