didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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